Here's a real update...

... I have fired Bank of America. Yes I did.

And yes, I am mortgage-less. And bank-less. And loan-less.

Can I still move to my new house? Yes, but now I can't get in until July 23rd. JULY 23RD!!!!!

Do you know how hard it is to see your new house every day and know that you can't get in FOR ANOTHER MONTH???? Ugh.

Here's what happened:

B of A told me we didn't qualify for our loan. We have too much debt and not enough income. Simple enough. But... they would work with us if we could send them 4,000 new things that they asked for. So I did. And they still came back and said that we didn't qualify... but could I send them 4,000 more papers for our loan. Huh?

Their latest correspondence to me said:

* We can not read B's paycheck stubs. Please send clearer paycheck stubs.
* And we need proof that Kris will be on long term disability and social security for at least three more years.
* And there is a sizeable deposit into your checking account of $103.39. Please send signed proof that such a sizeable deposit is indeed valid.
* And you have not sent us your bank statement for Citibank (which I had, twice already.)
* And I see you got a raise... Congratulations!

I was stunned. But I sent our bank statement; provided proof of that HUGE deposit (just a mileage reimbursement from my job); sent them a clearer paycheck stub (although I did ask who "B" was) and I politely scolded them on who exactly was disabled.

I also drove to our local social security office; waited over an hour in line to get proof that RICK would be getting social security for at least three more years... and ordered proof that RICK would also get long term disability for three more years as well.

I sent everything right back off to B of A and asked for an update as to when we would be closing... because I AM GETTING ANTSY TO GET INTO MY NEW HOUSE!!!

Know what they said?

"I already told you. You do not qualify for this loan. You do not have enough money. We will not be able to fund this loan until you sell and close on your current home."

* blink, blink *

Uh, I only needed the loan UNTIL we closed on our current house. At that time, we planned to take the money from THIS house and pay off THAT house. We wouldn't need a loan after that!!!

I fired B of A today. I told them that unless they could help us now, the whole thing was silly. I also took the opportunity to tell them that they were incompetent. And that I was sorry that "B's" paycheck stubs were not clear... but it wasn't exactly clear to me who "B" even was.

I also told them that B of A had been LESS than helpful in this whole process.

And, uh, I told them that I would be taking my banking needs elsewhere, too.

I got a response back from B of A today. I am naive. I thought they would be sad to see me go... and beg me to stay... and offer me a free toaster.

The email simply said: Loan Cancelled.

And that it had been a pleasure working with me.

Uh huh. Sure.

It's good to know that "B" got a raise, though. "B" will be happy to hear this.
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