happy heart day

H
  A
    P
      P
        Y

VALENTINE'S 

D
  A
     Y

!!!!!!!!!!

❤💛💜💝💓💗❤
             ❥

december 20th

It's only been a month ... that's not so bad, given what all has happened in the last 30ish days.

Rick decided that he hadn't been to the hospital in awhile and thought it would be fun to be there over Christmas.  Yeah, no.

So, ho ho ho.  Oh ...

Rick was in need of some attention ... so he had us take him to the ER.  He likes the nurses there.  He likes nurses everywhere, actually.

We hadn't had our Christmas card photos taken this year ... seemed like a good time to get this done.  Yes?

Christmas dinner is all taken care of ...

And we'll be using our finest silver.

Oh vey.

Ho ho ho, NO!

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november 30th

... is fast approaching.  IF there was still going to be a wedding, it would be missing a few things.

We do have a dress and all that goes with that.  No shoes, though.  But Elizabeth wanted to wear tennies anyway.

We did have a cake ... um, that's partially in our freezer, partially in my tummy.

We had a venue, we had a getaway car and we had the table decor.  We also had the easels for holding the games and the photos and such.

So ... Liz was going to be partially dressed and I was going to be partially fed.  We could've sat at a beautiful table and looked at some easels.  And then made a quick getaway in her little red car.

Sounds like a good wedding to me!

Now ... if we only had a groom.

He's back in Hawaii, wearing tennis shoes and playing the games.  But you know what? 

I have the cake.


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anyone seen the flashlight?

So this happened.  About three houses down from where I live ... this happened.  And it happened four times.  Four LOUD bangs, pops and ka-booms!

Four times my power went off.  The fourth time, it stayed off.  

All of the neighbors came out of their homes (of course, everyone was curious) and it really was a pleasant evening, chatting with everyone, meeting new neighbors, asking if anyone wanted to buy my house ...  yes, I actually threw that comment in a couple of times.

Seriously, it was pleasant.  I've always liked catastrophes, though.

Most of the neighbors got their power back on within the hour.

MOST of the neighbors.

I, however, live on the street where the explosion happened.  I was without power for nigh on seven hours.

I was told to go find my candles and flashlights while we still had some daylight.  So I did that.  None of the flashlights had batteries and I only found two candles and no candle holders.  I was not worried, I had a phone.  Of course, the phone was nearly without power.  Okay, THEN I worried.  

Sitting in the dark was ... quiet.  Rick was napping (he never knew what hit him) and the dog and I had literally nothing to do after we'd exhausted all of the fun of searching for candles and flashlights.  And the house just got darker.

Eventually, Kyndra, our upstairs tenant came home and I finally had somebody to play with.  I like Kyndra cuz she had a working phone.  With a light on it.  And she had a deck of cards.  We were ready to have some fun now!

There we sat, at my kitchen table ... looking something like this:

It was a pretty fun card game ... IF you could actually see the cards.

You probably wouldn't believe me if I said I won.  I wouldn't believe me, either, though.

Kyndra's phone flashlight was fading ... and she suddenly discovered a way to make the phone shine a bit brighter.  She placed it under the dome of a cake plate that I had sitting on the kitchen table.

Voila!

The room lit up!

Well, not really, but it did make for some pretty interesting light pictures on the ceiling.

The lights finally came back on at ....

1:30 AM

when the whole house suddenly lit up very brightly.  Yeah, it's hard to turn all the house lights off when you have no idea which lights were actually on when the explosion happened.

I awoke to this the next morning, still sitting on my kitchen table.

I have no idea what card game we were playing ... 

but I did win.  

No really, I was winning.

.

because i'm crazy ...

I just decided that I won't have enough granite in my upcoming new house.

I will have it in all but one bathroom, and of course, it will be in the kitchen.  But I began to feel that the dining room and the family room would feel left out ... so I just signed away to have granite put there, too.

Hey, it's only money.    Sure hope my house sells.

And because I'm crazy, I decided to have a garage sale this weekend.  It's supposed to rain.  Strike that, it's supposed to STORM! 

And because I'm crazy, I just signed up to be a hippo in a game at my school.



Never mind that my back is out currently.  Never mind that I'm risking it to go back out during this game (assuming it ever comes back in.)  And never mind that I'm NOT 21 anymore.  Nor 31, 41 or even 51.  Never mind that I'm crazy.

By the way, those fools on the floor grabbing balls?  Those are the hippos.  The very thing I signed up to be.

Sure hope my house sells.

But speaking of really, really crazy ... I reorganized my garage last night.  (Gee, I wonder why my back is out!)  Stuff I'm keeping over here ... stuff for said garage sale over there ... and stuff that I'm hiding from Rick goes under here.

Know what Rick said when he noticed?  "Hey, I like what you've done with the garage!"  Um, all I did was push stuff to one side, push the other stuff to the other side and remove a car.  Pushing that car out was a killer. 

There's now room for us to play "Hungry Hippos" in our very own garage.  Wanna play?  Yeah, me neither.  What if I put some granite in there?

.

hello? hello?

I just had the oddest phone call.  (Of course I did.  Do I get any other kind?)

"Hi, this is Kris ..."

"Hi, this is Lexy from Empire and I understand you have some buckling in your new ..."

... followed by screaming.

... shrieking.

followed by another blood-curdling scream.

I kid you not.

Then the phone went dead.

With all of the school shootings lately and all of the gun control issues in the news right now ... I feared the worst.  I was truly left worrying about Lexy.  That scream was not a giggle, therefore this was not a joke.

Five minutes later, my phone rang again.  

"I am so sorry," Lexy said.   

I told her that I had been sitting here worried sick about her ...

She simply said, "I saw a bug."

Okay ....  

Ya' know, I like Lexy.  A girl after my own heart.

;)

me and noah

Because we are about to move into a new home ... we are just about ready to list my house for sale.  Well, we were anyway.

And because we were just about ready to list my house for sale ... the world began to flood.  My world  began to flood anyway.  Noah's got nothing on me.  My house has become a virtual ARK.

Except not exactly that cute.  Maybe more like this:

Maybe MORE LIKE THIS:

That's about all that's worth keeping in my house.

Wait.  Maybe more like this:

Yep.  For sure like this.  My house sprung a leak and the water poured in for a full day ... and then suddenly stopped.  The rain didn't stop, but the leak did.  Where all the water went is a good guess.  Okay, I know where it is ... it's in the wall.

I am sickened by my house every time I walk by that wall.  Or any wall.  Every wall is trying to get back at me for trying to sell the house.

GET ME OUT OF THIS HOUSE!

But there is a bright side to all of it.

We were involved in a class action lawsuit for one of the meds that Rick takes.  Apparently we were WAY overcharged and somebody figured that out.  And, out of the blue, a check for over $2400 appeared in our mailbox.

I wanted to jet off to Hawaii STAT but God had other plans for us.  To get our damaged wall fixed, we will need to pay our deductible.  Guess what our deductible is?  Yep, $2500.

God is amazing.

He knew that we would need some money for all of this mess ... and here it came.

I have no words.

I have no house, either.  Mine is about to float down the river.  But I've got the peace of knowing that I don't have to come up with $2500 to pay my deductible.

Yay house!  Go house!

Seriously, GO house.  Just go away.

.

ha. ha. and ha.

These bark.





These do NOT bark.




These bark.




And this barks, too.




HOVERBOARDS do NOT BARK!
          Not even this one ...




So, when you take your car into the shop for a "barking noise" and the dealer CONVINCES you it was just the hoverboard you had sitting in your back seat ... rest assured that hoverboards DO. NOT. BARK. 

You don't remember the story?     Check it out,  HERE.

Anyhoo ... my hoverboard does not bark, never did bark and it most likely never will.

My car, however, truly did.

And the dealer called me yesterday and said, "I have good news and bad news.  The good news is ... your car really did bark.   The bad news is ... your transmission is blown.  And you need a new one.  And it'll take a good week to order it and replace it.   The good news is ... you're getting a brand new transmission!"

The dealer must not know that I don't own this car.  It's only a lease.  And I couldn't care less if I have a new transmission or not.  I only wanted him to admit it wasn't the hoverboard.  And he did admit that.

So, the joke was on him

Wait.  The joke is on me.   I'm the one paying for a new transmission.

I think I'd rather have this:




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valentine's day

I knew Rick had gotten me a gift for Valentine's Day because he has zero sense of secrecy.  The email came to MY email (I didn't open it, I promise) and then the box came and he left if sitting by the front door.  I didn't open that, either.  I really didn't want to.  Have you seen Rick's gifts?  Ahem.

But knowing that a gift was coming to me, I had to get him something, too.  I'd actually hoped that this year, with the purchase of a new house and with surgery constantly hanging over our heads, that we could skip the gifts.  I've seen Rick's gifts.  We could definitely skip them.

As February 14th neared, I guess I had in my head that we were going to skip the gifts ... and suddenly, on the 13th, I had no gift.  WHY HAD I FORGOTTEN THE GIFT????

But I actually did have one for him.  Something I bought for our new house, that I knew Rick would like, suddenly came to mind.  It was sitting in the backseat of my car just zooming around and around ... and just like that, it became a Valentine's Day gift!

Wanna see what it is/was?

This.       Except not this.

Nor this.  Nope, not that, either.  

The tank that I gave Rick was missing one important item.

These.

And this ...

This one's awesome ... wish the tank had this in it.

Or this one ...

Or this one.

Nope, Rick's new tank only had these.

These are kinda pretty.  But Rick needed a more manly tank ... so he got a lot of these: 

Still none of these, though:

Maybe for Christmas.  First I have to gift him some water. 

That'll be his Easter gift.

.

so ... why was Rick ticked off?

Because we were having to have new flooring put down in his office (we had some water damage last year) I had to pack up EVERYTHING in Rick's office, STAT!.    E.V.E.R.Y.T.H.I.N.G.   The floor removal/putter-downer guys said that they would move the furniture, but there could be no trinkets out on shelves or in drawers.  And wow ... did he have stuff out of shelves and wow ... did he have stuff stuffed in drawers.  And WOW ... did he have stuff ALL OVER THE FLOOR.  That man is an absolute ... well, never mind.  And I won't even tell you about all of the dust ...

So, I packed.  And I packed.  And packed.  FOUR HOURS LATER, everything was packed. 

And you know what Rick said (after the new floor was laid and he could go back into his office)?

"Why did you pack up my remotes?"
"Why did you pack up all of the batteries?"
"You know, I needed those papers you packed."
     and
"Where on earth did you put my pens?"

My favorite .... "How come you packed up all of my Gilligan's Island DVDs??

Sorry, Rick ... even Gilligan had to go.  The floor could not wait for the Skipper and his Little Buddy.

Rick swore at me (in his head) and told me where to go (still only in his head.)  He smiled on the outside but I could read his mind.

Rick no longer wanted to move if Gilligan couldn't come with us. 




.

packing ... packing .... and packing

Before I share with you all of the mean and cruel things Rick has said to me since I packed up his office ... let me tell you all of the mean and cruel things that car dealer said to me when I took my little black car in for a check up.

Said car was making a noise not unlike a dog barking.  A FREAKIN'  LITERAL DOG barking.  I would step on the gas and hear WOOF!  I would come to a stop and hear woof!  Step on the gas, WOOF!  Come to a stop, woof!  It would drive you batty!!!!  It was driving me batty, not to mention the dog.  I think he was darn tired of woofing everytime I stopped and started.

So, off to the dealer we went (the car is still under warranty.)  The dealer, either because he didn't trust me or because that's the new norm, jumped in my car and asked me to duplicate the noise.  I was terribly afraid the noise wouldn't happen because that's the kind of luck I have ... but alas, my doggy started barking his head off.  Woof, Woof, Bark, Bark!

The dealer was amused.  He'd never heard that before.

And because he was so amused, he turned around and peeked into my backseat. 

"What's in the box?" he asked.

"Oh, just my daughter's Christmas gift that she couldn't fit in her suitcase when she left to go back home to Hawaii.

"May I see?"

I was beginning to feel challenged.  But my dog was still barking, so I knew I was going to win this case.  I got out of the front seat of my car and headed to the backseat.

"See, just this."  And I showed him the hoverboard that Santa had carried down the chimney for my dear, darling daughter.

Mr. Car Dealer took the hoverboard, held it on his lap and we drove off again.  No dog barked.  No noise was heard.  No feeling of accomplishment nor pride was gleaming on my face.  Only embarrassment.

"You mean I just brought my car to the shop because my hoverboard was making a noise?"

"Seems so," he said.

I'll never return to that dealer again.  I can't.  I just can't.  I know I was the lunch topic that day at the Nissan dealer.

----------------

Now where did my doggy go?  He was here just a minute ago ...

.

oops

Rick is in so much pain today that we knew we had to call the doctor for advice.

"Is there any oozing or leaking at the surgery site?" he asked.

Um, well, um ...   I actually didn't know I was supposed to be changing his dressing.  I actually didn't even think of it.   So, naturally, I HAVE NO IDEA! 

Well, how was I supposed to know that I had to do such awful work!  I don't want to see that, ESPECIALLY if it's leaking and oozing.

And, um, can't Rick do that?  Never mind that he can't see back there.  Or reach back there.

So, um, I told the doctor no, it was not leaking or oozing.  Well, if I can't see it, it ain't happening.

Shut up.

Maybe the cat can do it.  She's pretty flexible.

.

only me

 Only I would wear these shoes ...

... on a day when my windshield looked like this.

Yep, that's my windshield.  Those be ice flakes.  I'd say 'snow flakes' but it was darn near too cold to be snowing.  It was icing.

Wanna see a close up of the lovely shoe I chose to wear?

I swear, I haven't got a brain in my head.

No, wait.  I distinctly remember someone telling me it was going to be warmer!  No, really.  I heard that.  It was no longer going to be 9 degrees out ... so, in my little head, it was BEACH WEATHER!

Hence the sandals.

Yeah, no.

Well, it WAS warmer.  40 degrees IS warmer than 9 degrees.

It is, right?

Fortunately, my desk at work comes equipped with this ...

Just don't tell the fire marshall.

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january 8th

I'm 8 days into the new year and so far I've kept all of my New Year's Resolutions!  Yea, me!

Here was the first one ...

Yep, kept that resolution real good.  Everyone'll want me to cook for them after this gourmet meal!

I learned how to set a table!  The most important item goes just to the left of the salad fork.

I learned how to bury my husband ... I didn't have a shovel so I could only hide him here.

I learned how to make my house warm.  Yep, I'm a redneck at heart.

I learned how to send text messages.  I'm real good at it, too.

I learned how to decorate my friends...

Meet Tamara.  Not sure she likes being decorated, though.

Here's another terrific text message I sent.  I'm getting so good at this!

Didn't what?

And finally ... I learned what my husband wants of me.  He made it clear on this gift bag that concealed my Christmas gift.

I wonder what he means?

I learned so much more in 2017 but some things weren't fit to print.  Well, they were, but perhaps they were legitimate lessons ... legitimate learnings?  Good stuff?  Either way, welcome to 2018!  I hope you have figured out half as much as I have this past year ...

And if not?  Well, you're in good company.

With me.

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