Tuesday, December 7, 2010

'Tis the season...

Standing in Big Lots (because I only shop at the best department stores) I could not help but hear a crying child. No, make that a SCREAMING child. But hey, I was in Big Lots. Children scream there. Because they can.

But this screaming was out of hand. It was deafening... and let me add, maddening. No, there was nothing wrong with this child. I'm sure of that. I'm pretty sure he just wasn't getting his way.

But really, Mom? How long are you going to let this go on??

Pretty soon, it was all ANYONE in the store could talk about. And everyone I passed in every aisle had a comment. And it weren't a good comment, neither.

Finally I felt drawn to find this child... just out of mere curiousity as to what he looked like. And maybe to stick my tongue out at him. Yes, that thought did cross my mind.

I found him in the food aisle. Sitting on the floor. And he was near a haggard looking lady who seemed to be paying him no mind. None at all. And I hated her for it. Until I figured out that she wasn't with him. The lady just one aisle over was. I really, really hated her.

Then an old grandmotherly type woman approached the child and began lecturing him on how everyone else in the store wanted him to be quiet. But that did not phase this kid. And I got closer to him... and couldn't help myself... I shushed him. Over and over again. And as I did, my eyes locked on mom... who looked surprised. But she now had heard the grandmother type... and she'd now heard me... and she decided that the kid... who had been screaming for a good 20 minutes straight... was never going to stop. NEVER! And that they should now leave.

And she took his hand and began to pull him out of the store... as she should've done TWENTY MINUTES SOONER!

And you know what I heard her say?

"If you don't be quiet, you are not going to get any candy when we get home!"

I had to pick my jaw up off the floor.

Because I know I would deserve candy after that screaming jag in Big Lots...

And you know what else? As they exited the store, I heard Christmas music playing. The kid was so loud he had drowned out the store's music.

I imagine they are home now... and I imagine this kid is all fat and happy, eating his candy canes and chocolate Santas.

I know I'd be quiet for chocolate Santas...

... and a margarita. 'Cuz that's what I need right now.

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