Betty Crocker Jr.

I was in a baking mood, yes I was. And I wasn't in a fancy baking mood, just a simple one. I figured cupcakes would satisy my desires.

Having been a latch-key kid when I was younger, I knew how to bake. That's what I did to pass the afternoons after school until my parents both came home from work. Yep, I baked. I stink at cooking today because I didn't bother to learn how to do that... No, I learned how to bake.

But I never do it anymore. No time. No energy. But today? A lazy afternoon? Yep, I would bake. Non-fancy cupcakes.

Oh heck, why not throw in some corn casserole, too. That's not really cooking. Technically that might still be baking.

So I stirred up both mixtures. And baked away. And before I washed the dishes I tasted each dish. Neither one was as good as I remembered. But hey. I'm sure they would be better once they were cooked. I mean baked.

And while my two favorite simple things were baking away... I watched TV until I was ready to tackle the dishes. Eventually I did get to the dishes.

And I started washing.

And I started discovering things. Things that I shouldn't have discovered.

Why was there a measuring cup of melted butter in the microwave? And why was there a measuring cup of vegetable oil sitting on the back counter?

Oh oh.

My baking skills are just not what they used to be. Or maybe it was my eyesight. Or maybe it was my mind. Yeah, it had to be my mind.

So tonight I served my family cupcakes that were missing the oil and a corn casserole that was sorely missing the butter.

My heart health was thanking me. So was my cholesterol levels. But sadly my tastebuds were not.

Don't tell Liz. Or Rick. Both of them were just too polite to tell me how, uh, not so good my baked products were.

And that's why I don't cook.

Because I don't want everyone's cholesterol levels to be too low.