Saturday, March 27, 2010

Event planning

Because I've never had high cholesterol, I went to my doctor's appointment last week just skipping and singing. I was, after all, having a cholesterol test... and I knew I would ace it. I always have. I always will.

Or so I thought.

I had me one of those ten minute tests where they sort of do an ultra sound on your neck... and look at your blood flow and determine if there's anything swimming up and down your bloodstream... on a raft... with machine guns.

In my case there wasn't. Oh there was one little red blob in the nine pictures that were taken... but the technician said that that was just blood. And since blood is a good thing... I didn't worry.

So... I opened my mail today and there was some interesting news in it.

I believe the letter started off like this.... GET IN HERE! NOW!

I believe the next line went something like this... HURRY! CALL OUR OFFICE! MAKE AN APPOINTMENT NOW, BEFORE YOU DIE!!!!!

Well, the letter did indicate that I have some plaque. In my neck, I guess.

My "Plaque Burden" (yep, actual words) is 1.4

And 1.4 is HIGH! In big, bold red letters it read.... HIGH! RISK RATE IS HIGH!

And then sirens began going off. All over the neighborhood. Because, after all, there is someone living on Plantation Lane that is a ticking TIME BOMB!

And as I read on... I saw that "High" is actually defined as: the risk of having an event in the next 5.1 years. Plus or minus 2.3 years.

An "event" huh? Is that like a wedding? Or a graduation?

If there's a party to be had... I'm in. But I best get started planning this "event". I mean, I only have 5.1 years... plus or minus 2.3 years.

That could sneak up on you, ya' know.

I best call the maids now. I want to be ready for the event.

Oh, one more thing. The little form listed my age as 52. And the age of my arteries are 49.

Whaddya know? My arteries are younger than me. Plus or minus 2.3 years.... well, that adds up to now... SO... looks like the party's on!


1 comment:

Lynn said...

So did you also get a cholesterol test? I always ace mine to, but now I'm worried. Doctors are always coming up with new ways to make life a lot less fun.