Tuesday, October 19, 2010


I will turn 53, tomorrow. It is definitely cause for celebration, but it does come with some pain. No, not pain... I'm past that. It comes with some reflection.

My brother passed away in 2007. One day before his 53rd birthday. I am still sad. I still miss him. I am no longer grief-stricken, although I did fall into that category for nearly a year.

And it wasn't because we were so close... no, it was more for the opposite reason. We were not close. But that wasn't it, either. It's because he was sick... and I didn't know just how sick until he actually passed away and I traveled to Santa Fe to clean out his house. I learned so much on that trip. So much of how he lived, how he fought valiantly just to stay alive... and how he had set up his house just to get around in it.

But despite my grief, a spark was placed inside of me during that time. A spark to make sure that I made it to 53. I had to, for him. I don't know why. I just did. I just do.

And I am on that brink right now... the eve of my 53rd birthday.

And fortunately, that is taking my attention off of what today is... the anniversary of the day before a 53rd birthday. Mine, not his. But still. He didn't make his.

And I will eat cake tomorrow. In my honor. In our honor.

Happy Birthday, Brad and Kris.

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