I hope this note finds you well. I come to you today and wish to express a complaint. Please understand that my issue has nothing to do with you as a person. I simply feel shortchanged in one area of my life and I understand that you are the responsible party.
I am extremely dissatisfied with the fact that my full name does not contain a letter D. You see, I am very good at writing D's and I was both shocked and saddened to learn that my name does not contain one, seeing as how it is so long, and contains practically every other letter in the English language, including Z!
Please do what you can in this matter and advise with any prospective solutions you may have.
Elizabeth Courtney Kahle (no D's)
Yes, I got this very letter today from my daughter. When you stop laughing, go ahead and advise me on how to handle this apparently very serious matter.