Here's a few that I'm adding to my collection today. I
Squirrels are the worst jaywalkers.
It's not really an "Easy Bake"oven when you're trying to cook a pot roast. This is taking "forever."
Lactose intolerance is born out of lactose ignorance.
Don't call me in a muffled voice and say "We have your children." If you want my attention, say you have my Internet search history...
I always cry at weddings. Because I'm sad that my Saturday is being ruined.
Why do Zombies all have such wrecked clothes?! It's like, you JUST died, how did you mess up your shirt that bad??
I just want to get this out there so there's no confusion and we can all have a nice weekend - my wife is right and I'm wrong.
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