So just what was a gluten free Thanksgiving meal like, you ask?
The turkey was perfectly normal, basted with goat's butter instead of real butter. Wait... goat's butter probably IS real butter. Let me rephrase that. The turkey was perfectly normal, basted with goat's butter instead of NORMAL butter. But you know what? Me, nor the turkey, could tell the difference.
The sweet potatoes came out of a can that was deemed gluten free by my daughter... mixed with brown sugar and topped with marshmallows. All gluten free, naturally.
So far, so good.
We had the traditional green bean casserole... but prepared not quite so traditionally. And personally, this is the one dish that could've just stayed in the oven. Indefinitely. Canned green beans. Can't go too wrong with that. But it was the canned gluten free mushroom soup that turned into water when cooked... and the lack of french-fried onions that ruined the dish. I used regular onions... don't ever use regular onions. Some dishes just NEED french-fried onions. This dish did not cut it without that staple.
Add to this meal some gluten free stuffing... prepared by a local gluten free restaurant. Add to this some gluten free biscuits. And add some gluten free gravy. Nope, didn't cook any of these things. That local gluten free restaurant was a godsend! And... they know what they're doing. Stuffing.... excellent. Biscuits.... very, very good. Gravy.... also quite good. Too bad I didn't buy the green bean casserole from this restaurant. Too bad I tried to cook that myself.
And finally... we had pumpkin pie... from the same restaurant. And you know what?
IT WAS THE BEST PUMPKIN PIE I'VE EVER EATEN! E V E R !!!!
So what were the high heel and the nails all about?
Guess what young people don't keep in their apartments? Guess what young people forget to tell their mothers until, oh, fifteen minutes before it's time to start cooking? That they don't own a can opener. And that they don't own a "church key" can opener, either. And that they don't even own a hammer.
And guess what? Most of the above dishes that I prepared REQUIRED A CAN OPENER!!
My daughter lives alone and her neighbors were all off Thanksgiving-ing with their families. The entire complex was void of people on that fateful Thanksgiving day when I so needed a can opener.
So... my dear, darling daughter was able to produce a high heeled shoe and a nail. I produced the bloody fingers.
May you never have to open ten different cans with a nail and a high heel. It is not easy. May you never ruin an oven mitt trying to bend the top of that rugged, jagged, sharp can top back, either. And... may you always have a high heel handy just in case that's you're only option.
We did it, though, and it only took about an hour per can. So Thanksgiving lunch turned into Thanksgiving dinner... but since there were still two bandaids left in the bandaid box, we considered it a complete success.