Thursday, January 31, 2013

Flying High

Sitting there in row 27, seat C on my American Airlines flight tonight, I heaved a big sigh of relief, finally. It was darn close to a miracle that I even made the flight, that I was even aboard and heading home.
Elizabeth and I had left for the airport in plenty of time but neither of us really knew the way and apparently Liz' GPS didn't either. For some reason Nelly Navigator thought I really wanted to go to a 7-11 instead of the airport. Maybe she just didn't want me to leave. Yeah, that was it. 

I did eventually make it to the airport, no thanks to Nelly, but it was very questionable as to whether I would make my flight.  First up, the self-serve computer kept saying that my flight had been cancelled.  Say what?  And as I turned around, I saw my daughter just driving away from the curb of the airport drop off area.   Great.   

I panicked and called out to a ticket agent walking by who told me to go see a ticket agent at the desk.  Unfortunately, that line was three deep with people and I was very late already.  So I ran out to the curbside desk and pleaded with him for help.  He sent me back inside.  Great.  But in I went and waited it out until I got to the front of the line and got to talk to an agent.  Of course, my flight had started boarding by now and I was pretty much a raving maniac.  But my flight did exist and i did get a boarding pass and I went on my merry way.  'Cept it wasn't so merry.  The security line was terribly long.  And not only did I have to endure it, I had to have a full body pat down because one stupid snap on my pants set off an alarm.  Stupid pants.  Stupid alarm.

My merry way was still not merry 'cuz I could not find my gate.

When I finally found a sign that directed me to my gate, I had to wait in yet another line.  Say what?  It was for a train.  Yes, I still had to board a train to get to my gate to catch a plane that had probably already left.   Grrrrr.

But the train eventually got me to the other side of the airport and the blonde bimbo booking it down the walkway to gate 17 with a very heavy backpack, a brand new
COACH purse, a regular purse, a gift for our dog sitter and her tennis shoes still in her hand... finally made it to seat C in section 27.

But the story doesn't end there.  Even though I wish it had.

The bimbo was the last one on the plane and because of this, she was told to stuff her
stuff anywhere she could find.  Any overhead bin would do.

I found one, shoved my bag into it, walked down a little further and found a slot for my purses, which were now stuffed into the Disney bag carrying the gift for the dog sitter.  Then I promptly found my seat and forgot where I put my purse.

When the captain called out to turn off all electronic equipment, I remembered that I hadn't turned my phone nor my iPad off... and I had to get up and crawl all over people, searching each overhead bin for the bright blue Disney bag.  I found it in the bin over seat 14.  A very nice man saw me take it and asked if he could keep it under his seat for me. Say what???
Well, no, but thanks, Sir.  However, when I returned to my seat and opened the bag, I instantly knew why he wanted the bag.  IT WAS HIS!!! 
My bag was retrieved and I suddenly felt like EVERYONE was wishing the blonde bimbo in row 27 had stayed home.
Does the story end there?  Nope. But I'll make it short and sweet now...  We took off and soon it was time for a potty break for me.  And all was well... until we hit some turbulence... and I slipped... in the tiny restroom... and, well, made a mess.  To say the least.  Yes, the annoying blonde bimbo had to trek back up the aisle, in everyone's view... to seat C in row 27... with very wet pants, and sit in them for the entire 2 hour and 40 minute flight.
Cute.  Real cute. 

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