Thursday, May 15, 2014

letter to my dear, darling daughter

Dearest Daughter Darling (thought I'd change it up a bit),

Today was rough.  Today was not fun.  Today brought tears to my eyes and sorrow to my heart.  And news that was unpleasant.  And pain to each of the thoughts in my head.  Yes, your mother has bad days and is not perfect.  Your mother received news she did not like.  And lots of it.

Take your pick.  I received news that I owe the IRS more money.  I received news that I owe lots and lots of money for a car accident that I caused.  I received news that our insurance will not cover the other car, yours.  I am still grieving the death of a coworker and was given the news that another one will be leaving my comfortable work environment.  I have learned that another coworker is not fond of me.  That stings a lot.  I also have to leave my own safe haven at work as well and I am not thrilled.  I have fear about the structure of my house and then I came home tonight to a broken dryer.  I have a renter that is pulling all kinds of shenanigans.  I have debt and I have a husband with a severe illness and severe hip pain at the moment.  And I have a daughter that can't stay well, either.  That would be you and it hurts me every time you are ill.  Yes, it does.

I have a messy house and lots and lots of laundry.  There is constant work to be done when I come home and yet I have no strength to do it.  You marvel that all I want to do when I come home at night ... is sit down.  And veg.  And today was definitely one of those days.

Your response of "it's probably a scam" to the IRS letter I received was less than compassionate.  Your response of "why did you do that; didn't you see my car?" to my most recent car accident?  Again, less than compassionate.  Your response of "at least you have a job; there are many people out of work" to my job woes?  Well not exactly the response I was looking for.  Your response of "don't let him treat you that way ... I'd let him know who's boss" to our renter?  I don't have the strength right now to be anything but compliant.  Your response of "you're overreacting, the house is fine" to my fears about the house structure?  It just plain hurts.  My fears about the structure are real.  Heck, now I'm not even gonna tell you about the dryer.

The list goes on and on and on ... but all I really want to say is that your mother is tired.  Your mother had a bad day.  Tomorrow will be better ... it has to be.  The dryer is fixed so my clothes will be clean.  The dog is fed, your father is fed and yes, I still have a job to go to, no matter how different it's going to be.

I'm asking you to just understand.  Sometimes your mother is without words and sometimes she's got lots of them, none of them any too fun, kind, nice ... take your pick.

But yes, my life is good, even if it doesn't feel that way today.  

You know what would make it all better?  Fried Chicken.  Darn that Babe's commercial on TV just now.  But I've gotta say ... it did bring a smile to my lips.  

I'm asking for patience, dear daughter.  Life today ... not so fun.  Life tomorrow?  Just plain unknown.  Unless we're going out for fried chicken.  Then I know it will be okay.  Everything will be just fine.

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