I'm sure you're tired of all the show news ... so I'll let you in on a funny story I heard just today. My friend Billy says he uses me for therapy. And he asked if he could be therapied again. For a mere $3000, I said yes. You can charge him, too. He won't mind.
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Sunday morning after church, we had just gotten home and changed into some
jeans and were getting ready to go out to eat and to the grocery store. Cindy (Billy's wife) mentioned that her bathroom sink faucet leaked around the edges when she turned
on the water. I looked at it and said that it probably just needed a new
rubber washer and that I, being the man of the house and jack of all trades,
could naturally fix that problem in five minutes. So I took off
downstairs to gather some tools and hunt for a rubber washer. Upon
finding what I needed, I then walked back upstairs and past Cindy at the
washing machine while she was loading dirty clothes. I proceeded to the
bathroom and removed the faucet handle, then took a wrench and turned the faucet
mechanism to get to the rubber washer. All of a sudden, water began shooting up
like a damn geyser! I'm embarrassed to admit it, I guess it was one of
those senior moments, but I was in such a rush to fix things in the five
minutes I had boasted that I could do it in, that I had forgotten to shut off
the water valve under the sink! Well, to keep the water from shooting up to the
ceiling, I quickly placed both hands over the spewing water, which didn't slow
it down one iota from spewing out. It just made it go sideways instead of
straight up. In other words, I was getting soaked!
Knowing that if I let go with my hands, water would shoot straight up, hitting the ceiling in the process and then come down all over the floor so I kept my hands over the geyser. That way, at least some of the water (that which wasn't hitting me directly) was running back into the sink or onto the lavatory counter. But with both hands busy trying to fight the geyser, I could not reach down to shut off the water valve under the sink. So I immediately screamed for Cindy to come and help me.
Not knowing what help
exactly I was needing, she hollers back, "Can it wait just a minute?"
So I scream back, "Hell no, it cannot! Come here, NOW!" So she
immediately drops her laundry and proceeds to run downstairs to where she
thought she heard me hollering for her. I thought for sure she had seen
me come back upstairs with my tools and pass her in the hallway, but
nooooooooooo.
So when she does not appear quickly in the bathroom, I
start hollering louder for her. "CINDY, GET IN HERE NOW. I
NEED YOU!" Seconds pass, which seemed like minutes, and no sign or sound
from Cindy. Turns out, when she went downstairs and couldn't find me, she
then walked outside looking for me!
So there we both were, neither knowing where the hell the other one was. She was running around the front and back yard, like I was playing hide and seek with the damn squirrels or something; and I'm upstairs with my hands still trying to hold back Niagara Falls in reverse, screaming at the top of my lungs. "CINDY! WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU?"
So there we both were, neither knowing where the hell the other one was. She was running around the front and back yard, like I was playing hide and seek with the damn squirrels or something; and I'm upstairs with my hands still trying to hold back Niagara Falls in reverse, screaming at the top of my lungs. "CINDY! WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU?"
By this time, I'm
wetter than a thong found on the Titanic. Now I'm starting to get
mad. Like, really mad! So I finally said to heck with it, I let go
of the faucet and crawled under the sink to turn off the water valve as the
geyser erupted to its maximum height, then turned downward with gravity and
splashed right on my big ol' butt as I lay on the floor trying to get to the
valve! I hadn't even gotten my head out of the cabinet under the sink and
off my knees when I heard the wifey finally walking back into the
bedroom. Before she gets to the bathroom, she can hear me swearing and
cussing like a sailer, and then I hear her say in her sweet little southern
drawl, "Is there a problem I can help with, dear?"
Then she
turns the corner into the bathroom, looks at the mess and says, "Oh
no, all my makeup is drenched!" I'm standing there looking like a damn Jap
who had barely survived a tsunami, and she's worried about her damn
makeup!! Well, I took a deep breath and walked away from where the monkey
wrench was laying, because I was having thoughts of other uses for it! But
she did volunteer to clean up the whole mess, and as she was doing that, and I
changed into dryer clothes, I started laughing at the entire scene as it played
out. Yes, I was madder than a wet hen (no pun intended), but I realized
that the whole thing could have been avoided if I had simply not forgotten to
turn off the water valve to start with.
So there you have it. Another instance of a hubby playing amateur plumber. If it had all been caught on camera, I could have sent it in to America's Funniest Videos, and I might be much richer today.
So there you have it. Another instance of a hubby playing amateur plumber. If it had all been caught on camera, I could have sent it in to America's Funniest Videos, and I might be much richer today.
The End
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